7 Tips For The Young PR Student
As discussed earlier, the soul–once held onto at least until a marriageable age–is now usually discarded around the time of high school graduation and, for the over-achiever, even earlier. As such, I think it’s time we laid out a concise framework for how to do this efficiently, painlessly, and without losing much sleep. And while I claim no expertise in the subject, something I’m quite proud of, I still have observed enough to take a shot at it.
1. Your youth and innocence are like credit: Something to be squandered strategically. If you go using the good-will of the general public towards your freshness to catch a small fish, then when the time comes to catch a bigger fish, you’ll quickly find yourself without the most crucial weapon in your arsenal: Surprise.
2. Never discuss religion. Or politics. Or anything else that matters. Hold conversations centered around only the most perfidious fluff. The ponderance of serious subjects opens up the distinct possibility that either you or the person you’re speaking to is wrong.
3. Your pitch needs to be about five minutes shorter. As it stands now, it’s far too long and presumes me to have an intelligence somewhere above that of a fourth grader. Big mistake. There’s no thinkers here, only slobbering fools.
4. Name dropping is good, number dropping is better. I know that you know him and knowing that you know him makes me feel good, but in business, it’s large numbers which are the shiny objects, not people. How many employees do you have? How many times have you won this award? How many partners do you have? How many lies have you told? How many mirrors has your reflection broken? In fact, you may wish to just start counting to a potential target instead of actually speaking.
5. On the “New” PR (if you’re the type that likes to read aloud, here’s where you whisper): It’s the same as the old PR, only the rest of us are now pretending we give a shit and don’t hate you. This attitude may not last into the next decade, so strike, screw, and fondle while the iron’s hot.
6. Post videos, audio, and text of yourself all over the web. This is key. I’ll forgive just about anything: The cheapening of our culture, the commoditizing of art, the murder of a family member, so long as I get to see photos on Flickr of you smiling while sipping a Mojito and destroying the world.
7. Run. I’ll tell them you went to the bathroom. Go now. Quick.
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