“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?”–H.L. Mencken
As we get closer and closer to our actual election, we are concurrently getting closer and closer to the resumption of the ‘Culture War’ and, likewise, the resumption of the ‘Defense of Marriage’. Well, in light of such fortifications, I think it’s time I lay out my own thoughts on the matter: I’m against it.
I have no problem with Gay people, in fact, am rather fond of the ones I know. Furthermore, the infantile need of a certain segment of our population to know–at all times–where boys and girls stick their wee-wee’s absolutely disgusts me. I know, I know, they were born that way (I’m speaking of conservatives), but that doesn’t make it any less ridiculous. Gays have been and always shall be part of our societies, as they are a part of every society in the animal kingdom; I don’t know why and, as it offers no threat to me, don’t really care. In fact, the only homosexual who ever really threatened civilization was a certain King James–author of a book that keeps giving us problems.
No, it’s not the ‘Gay’ part of the equation that bothers me, it’s the ‘Marriage’. That’s the lifestyle of which I am phobic. I can agree with the Culture Warriors in one respect: Marriage has deteriorated, and further would agree on their assessments of why–because we’ve begun treating women like human beings, have become largely literate, and have learned that sex is in large part what makes us human–but I must disagree that this is all something lamentable. Throughout it’s history marriage has been the perpetrator of no end of abuses, mistreatment’s, inequalities, and reasonings that just go against common-sense. The institution at it’s heart, despite what some may say, is not about children, or love, or stability–all of which can be achieved much easier and better by cohabitation–it is about property, and only ever has been. Whether it’s the historical definition: Wife as property, or the current one: spouses as stand-ins for property (and estates), we’re still just talking about property, the anti-thesis of love and family and all those other things that make our eyes gleam. It is marriage which has led to ‘broken homes’, it’s marriage which ruins the partnership between couples, and it’s certainly marriage which leads to divorce.
But two things: 1) For my gay friends: Yes, I believe even stupid institutions deserve to be equal, but I’d warn you against making the same mistake that straight people have for centuries. 2) For married people: I don’t blame you, nor think less of you, but I just wish people would stop giving me that look when I say ‘No, I don’t wish to get married’ like I must have a harem in my apartment or some other den of drug-filled debauchery. And I also wish that my older female-friends wouldn’t speak to me with self-loathing about being ‘unmarried’ as if they were defective or unnatural. I do believe in monogamy, very much so, but marriage isn’t promoting monogamy, it’s destroying it. It’s turning it into little more than a piece of paper, one which replaces love and commitment with something far more disposable and retractable.
If my generation is hell-bent on destruction, let this be what we destroy, a destruction that’s positive and good for society. Let’s get rid of a broken institution and then truly tell the government to get the hell out of our bedrooms.
Have you considered Subscribing to all of this madness?
This is something that has required expression from someone so well-written for a long time now.
Marriage is a basic civil right that should be attainable by all Americans if they choose. For the truth about gay marriage check out our trailer. Produced to educate & defuse the controversy it has a way of opening closed minds & provides some sanity on the issue: http://www.OUTTAKEonline.com
It’s basic indeed. I’m more looking for it’s eradication than it’s attainability, but good luck to you.
As dumb as marriage can be, if someone wants to participate in that institution, great.
ok seth. I agree with you completely about the things marriage leads to but I think you must consider that these are things marriage CAN lead to and are not inevitable consequences of marriage. You must consider the many, many people in this world who are happily married. I just don’t think marriage is all about institution and property and a piece of paper and all the horrible things that might follow. I think it can be about making a witnessed commitment to someone you really do love and then having a raging party afterwards and going to aruba. Although I perfectly understand and respect those who say “I do not wish to be married.” So, on that note, will you marry me? Hehe. How dare you call my words pithy!
Giselle, I can truly think of no good things that marriage can give that can’t just as easily be attained by simple ‘being’ together, whilst I can think of plenty of bad things which couldn’t happen without marriage. And, No, I must certainly will not! But my den of drug-filled debauchery is open til midnight….
I am totally with you. I am doing a paper on it.. thank you so much for the information.
Seth, I saw this when you first wrote it, but chose not to comment. I will now.
I was never into the idea of marriage at all. I, like you, couldn’t see what marriage could bring to a partnership which was more than just ‘wanting to be together’.
My relationship with my son’s dad (we never married, were together for 9 years) broke down. If we’d have been married would we have remained together? Probably not. Would the break-up have been made more difficult if we were married? I honestly can’t believe it could have been any more difficult than it was (involving lawyers and all sorts of nastiness)…
Then I met someone else, fell in love, never thought about getting married. Neither did he… We’re not really the marrying type…
One day, however, he said, ‘Hey! Wouldn’t it be hilarious if we got married?’ ‘Hahaha! Yea! That’d be funny.’ So, we went to the States, got a marriage license, invited my mother’s judge friend around and… well.. got married.
We’ve now been together for 7(ish) years, married for 4… we’ve never lived together. We don’t even live in the same city… But both of us, for some inexplicable reason, feel that the fact we are married is what keeps us together.
When we argue - and, boy, we’ve argued - there’s this tiny little voice in each of our heads that says ‘you’re married, you can work this out.’ If we weren’t married, I promise you, it’d be incredibly easy to walk away. We don’t share bank accounts or property. We don’t have any children. The only thing we have is a desire to be together, but that doesn’t always exist in a partnership. Sometimes you *do* want out of it… but if you can work through it, you honestly do come through a happier and stronger couple. Being married, for my husband and me, is the only thing that forces us to work things out.
So, I got married as a kind of post-modern joke and found to my incredible surprise that it actually meant a LOT to me after 30-some years of thinking marriage was a pointless, out-dated institution.
Do I think gays and lesbians should be able to get married? Yes, if they want to. Do I think that co-habiting parents should have the same rights as married people? You bet (in my break-up w my son’s dad, remember we’d been together for 9 years, I had the same legal standing as a woman who got pregnant on a one night stand. :-/ ). I think people should be able to choose how they want to live their lives, even if that means making big mistakes.
Saying all of that, my husband and I have always said that we’ll get divorced when we decide to live together. We are, however, saying that in an increasingly facetious way.
Gia, thank you for telling me this. The idea of living separately for so long whilst married fascinates me. To tell you the truth, I like the idea a lot. It actually seems rather obvious now that it would be the way to do it. And I concede that you probably wouldn’t be able to accomplish this without some kind of invisible, artificial bond (marriage).
Still though, we’re talking about a largely illusory respect for this institution, right? Like the idea that ‘Morality comes from religion’ (which I think we both agree is false), we’ve created invisible boundaries and then convinced our children that they’d be lost without them. It’s based on a instilled reverence, not logic.
But, then again, many things (including love I suppose) are not based on logic. Like I said, fascinating.
I disagree. The rights of same sex marriage are important because of the few benefits legally that marriage offers not to mention fostering the sense of monogamy also is important for gays. Just consider that.