Next week, like millions of other Jews across the globe and across time, I’ll be participating in the re-telling of the Israelites exodus from Egypt. Many of those who know me will find this very strange and may react the same way a certain friend did, leaning in very close and whispering: “But….aren’t you an atheist?”. Although I don’t think I’ve ever written the words “I Don’t Believe in God”, my lack of faith hasn’t been a big secret and one need not read deep into the subtext of my writing to discover it. My work, my writing, my theories, my philosophies, all tend to revolve around a belief system I’ll call “Randomism”; I am the Newspaper Atheist, the person who didn’t make a conscious choice to reject G-d, but is unable to choose the acceptance of his existence.
But to answer the question: Why then am I celebrating Passover? My answer to this and the same questions regarding why I occasionally go to synagogue, why I recite Kaddish over my grandparent’s grave, and why I have a Mezuzah on my door, are largely the same: My ancestors did it secretly in cold Spanish basements and with their last breaths in Polish Ghettos, I can do it in a state of disbelief. For me it’s a matter of tradition not transcendence. You see, the gentile has it much easier than the Jew, when he’s says “I’m an Atheist”, he cease being a Christian, a Muslim, etc., but for us it’s not so simple. I’m a Jew no matter what I believe; if I were to become a Christian or a Muslim, I’d still be a Jew; If I became a skinhead or joined the Klan, I’d still be a Jew. I didn’t choose it, I don’t always like it, but it’s what I am.
It is still a constant struggle to be a Jew. As I’ve struggled with faith, I’ve struggled with Israel, with Zionism, with politics, with history, with sex and women, with being an American, a New Yorker, and a human being. I envy those who can come to definite conclusions on these questions, but can’t help thinking there’s something decidedly unJewish about such certainty. Even I, again, have trouble saying the words “There is no G-d”, not because I think there’s really some invisible man behind the sky, but because I have no faith in absolutes. But I am sure that many, many people went through many, many things to pass these rituals, however meaningless, down to me. For whatever reason, these customs have survived every hardship that humanity has ever dreamt up, every torture that the imagination could conjure; and if someone is going to discard them, so be it, but it won’t be me.
Have you considered Subscribing to all of this madness?
I actually understand that position (though intellectually, not necessarily in a personal, subjective way); it reminds me of a character in Crimes & Misdemeanors.
Anyway, I think you’ll like this blog http://baconeatingatheistjew.blogspot.com/. He holds much the same position you do, and even if he’s a bit too conservative for my liking in some cases, he’s an interesting enough kinda blogger.
Incidentally, Christians who become atheist don’t necessarily cease being Christians - they can easily drop the label, but they’ve been shaped through their lives by Christo-American/European culture and the loss of central belief does not change the end result all too much.
Yeah, you’re right about Christians, but your traditions, secular and otherwise, are re-enforced by society as well. Mine are not, though, a place like Israel has tried to replace religion with nationalism and community some sense of civic ’society’. I suppose it’s the same with any ethnic group in a foreign place or any minority. For Jews, secularization is assimilation, in a sense.
Yeah, I’ll buy that.
It’s a numbers game, basically; there’re more Christians than Jews by a margin of about 100 to 1, so yeah, it’d be more difficult to assert Judaic Culture in those situations.
Anyway, as I said above, I understand and respect the position of wanting cultural continuity (I’m from a family of Québecois Pûr-Laine, there’s a similar situation here - though not with nearly so much torture and atrocities attatched).